Marriage | THE BIBLE VIEW

The BIBLE VIEW #1030 —Dating/Marriage

In This Issue:
Bottom Feeders or Trophy Catch?
Advice for a Christian Seeking a Mate
The Bible and Marriage

Volume: 1030 December 22, 2025
Theme: Dating

Bottom Feeders or Trophy Catch?
Bill Brinkworth

I love to fish. However, I am one of those fishermen who pose no environmental threat. Many times, I come back with nothing, but it is still fun to try.

Sometimes, when I don’t seem to catch anything with my lures or flies, I switch to a sure-fire method that usually allows me to hook something. I find the wiggliest worms or the smelliest chicken guts I can get. I put them on a good-sized hook, make sure there is hefty weight on the line, and then cast it out into deep water. There it sits on the bottom. Every once in a while, I will reel it back in to check if the bait is still on, then cast it back out.

Rarely do I catch a wanted bass or trout on that rig (unless they are lost or very dumb). I usually hook something, but it’s unwanted bottom feeders like catfish, suckers, or carp — at least I could tell my wife I caught something. Most of the time, my catch from the bottom is not what a fisherman is really trying to hook, and it is rarely something he would ever brag about.

I was thinking of catching the bottom feeders after seeing a young Christian woman’s post on social media one day. She was showing off how she looked after getting ready for a first-time date.

There she was in her tight-fitting dress, far from being modest, with make-up that would rival many movie actors, and heels that were nosebleed high. Although I have only seen actors portraying prostitutes showing their “wares”, she was not dressed much differently. I was troubled about what she was doing to herself and what she was advertising to her date.

I certainly would not say anything to her, but I would like to. I want to tell her that when a person dresses like that, she would probably end up with a “bottom feeder”; one of those catches that one usually throws back, and is not proud of pulling in.

Her dress-up efforts most likely will not attract someone looking for a good wife, not someone looking for intellect, friendship, good character, a sparkling personality, or a good mother for his future children. Most likely, he will only be attracted to the bait she is offering, get the biggest bite he can get away with, and will soon swim off to see what else the bottom of the lake has to offer. Then she will be left all alone again, more lonely and rejected than she was before, and she may even wonder where she went wrong.

A child of God should not be looking for “bottom feeders.” When a fisherman wants to catch a fish worth his time, he uses the right bait and fishes in completely different spots.

To catch a desired trout, he fishes the cool, deep holes under a shaded tree. It usually does not look like a likely spot, but that is where you find them. If the goal is a lively, prized, large tail-dancing bass, then a line is cast among the tall grasses and lily pads. A Christian should not be going to the wrong, worldly places to find a mate.

Dating should not be about trying to catch everything that is swimming around. That type of “fishing” often does a lot of mental damage to the “fisherman” and “fish” alike, and the result is usually unhappiness. Feelings get hurt. Moral standards get lowered. Regrets remain. Frustration flourishes, and long-time marriage goals may be compromised. Dating should be for mating. It should be an avenue to find a lifetime marriage partner.

Only the right “catch” should be sought. The proper catch is one that is spiritually similar.

A Christian should only be seeking a Christian as a soulmate. Marriage is a joining (“yoked”) of a man and a wife intended to be for a lifetime. Two cannot be yoked together if their relationship with the Lord will lead them in different directions. The goals and thinking are too different between a saved and an unsaved person.

Often, the pressures of those spiritual differences cause not only disunity between the husband and wife, but to silence marital problems, the Christian frequently changes or hides his/her spiritual feelings and desires.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” II Cor. 6:14 Also:Isa. 52:11.

It is quite common that when a believer marries an unbeliever, different problems arise. One wants to flee sin and obey convictions placed in his/her heart, and the other does not see things the same way. Often, sin is not recognized or seen as a problem, and it would be unlikely that an unsaved person would want to live for the Lord.

There cannot be any spiritual commonality between a child of God and a lost person. A spiritual relationship is far more important than married people realize — until it is too late.

“Well, when we get married, I’ll change him,” is often the excuse. Rarely can a person change another person’s spiritual condition. It is the Holy Spirit that successfully changes anyone. Usually, when a person tries to change another person, regret, resentment, and rebellion result. Unless the Holy Spirit does the work, a relationship will not flourish.

There is a reason God tells believers to only “yoke up” (work together — and marriage is a lifetime “work”) with like-minded believers. A Christian should desire to grow. Growth will be inhibited if a mate is not a child of God also (I Cor. 5:9-13, II Cor. 6:15).

Once a relationship with an unsaved person begins, it may be hard to end it. To avoid regrettable actions, never allow yourself to “bottom feed” in the first place. A regrettable relationship with a lost person will not occur if an unsaved person is never dated.

Set your goals on a trophy catch. Go where the “trout” or “bass” are found. Never lower your expectations, standards, or goals. If you are a child of God, you deserve only the best, God-selected trophy catch. That is God’s desire for you also.

“Ladies, if you run after God like you ran after a man, He will send you a man you won’t have to run after.” — Author Unknown

Advice for a Christian Seeking a Mate
Bill Brinkworth

Pray for the right mate! I know of young people who began praying for the right life partner in their early teens.
Grow yourself! Some seek a mate when they can barely take care of themselves, let alone meet the needs of another!
Be patient! An opportunity for a date does not necessarily mean it is God’s will! If you are praying about the right mate, God knows about the need. He will provide. You or your future spouse may not be ready yet, so do not rush God’s work in the situation.
Seek only a Christian (II Cor. 6:14)!
Seek a Christian who is as spiritually mature, or more so than you are. A couple with one who has been saved for a long time and one who has just been saved may have problems, as the younger Christian may need to mature spiritually.
Seek one that you can look up to, not one that you have to “fix” to be happy with.
Seek in the right places. A bar, nightclub, or other worldly place is not a place one usually finds a strong Christian. A strong Christian will be where strong Christians hang out: in church, serving the Lord in a ministry, helping others, etc.
Seek one that you like. Best friends make the best marriage partners.
Seek one for their character, moral values, and closeness to the Lord. Marrying someone for their looks may lead to disappointment as age changes one’s appearance.
Seek God’s will and way in the search!
Do not necessarily seek a mate that is just like you. I have observed and experienced that some of the best marriages are between two people who are not the same. In areas where one is weak, the other is strong, and vice versa. The two “halves” make a perfect union that only God can put together.

The Bible and Marriage
Bill Brinkworth

Marriage is honorable.
“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4
It is a good thing to be married. God is pleased with that relationship.
“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Proverb 18:22 Also: I Tim. 5:14.
A husband and wife should show kindness to each other.
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” I Corinthians 7:3
A married person’s life and body are not their own, but belong to their spouse. Most split-ups involve selfishness somewhere. Fewer divorces would occur if more mates did not worry about their own needs but about meeting their partner’s needs. If both in the marriage made this their purpose, both needs would be met, and a happier, more content marriage would result.
“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” I Corinthians 7:4-5
There was no “trying out“ a marriage. If the sin of fornication (sex outside of marriage) had been committed, the man had the responsibility to make the woman his wife.
“And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife.” Exodus 22:16
Touching the opposite sex can lead to sin. To avoid that trespass, a man and woman should marry.
“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” I Corinthians 7:1-2 Also: I Cor. 7:9.
Although we are not under Old Testament law, the principle still applies that a husband and wife are still bound together until death separates them.
“Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” Romans 7:1-4
Although God’s commandments are often disregarded, and man’s laws are frequently obeyed more, God says marriage should be permanent.
“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:9 Also: Matthew 19:6.

“When asked how the married couple stayed together for 65 years, the wife answered, ‘We were born in a time when something was broken, you fixed it, not throw it away as they do now.”— Author Unknown

The BIBLE VIEW #934 — Godly Women

In This Issue:
A Godly Example
The Virtuous Woman
The Ephesians 5 Husband and Wife

Volume: 934 November 27, 2023
Theme: Godly Women

Read the FREE typeset version of this newsletter at https://openthoumineeyes.com/newsletters.html (Click on #934). Use it for your church bulletin inserts or as a ministry handout.

A Godly Example
Bill Brinkworth

Mary, Jesus’ mother, was a remarkable woman God could use. Luke 1 speaks much of this willing servant God used mightily.

Here are some of what the Bible says about Mary, the mother of Jesus:

God had planned to use Mary long before she was born. She was from the lineage of King David, which was the line where the prophesied Messiah would be born.
She was obedient in relations with men. She remained a virgin before she was married (Luke 1:27, 34).
God saw she had a good testimony. She was highly favored in His eyes (Luke 1:28, 30).
God had unique plans for her. She was going to have a child in a special way that would require her to have a good character and testimony (Luke 1:31).
God would use her child, Jesus (Luke 1:32, 35).
Mary was obedient. She was willing to do whatever the Lord required (Luke 1:38, 46).
Mary was humble. She did not think highly of herself (Luke 1:48). She would be angered at how people venerate her above Christ in some religions.
Mary admitted that God had done great things through her (Luke 1:49).
She knew about God’s mercy (Luke 1:50).
She knew about the mighty things God had done, His power, and His provision (Luke 1:51-53).
She understood the Bible (Luke 1:54-55).
She intended to marry a godly, obedient, hard-working man, Joseph, who paid his taxes and obeyed the law (Luke 2:4-5).
She humbly accepted what God allowed her to go through. She was willing to go through hard times and not complain about it. She had her baby in a barn (Luke 2:7).
Mary had at least four sons and two daughters (Mark 6:3) after Jesus was born.
Mary needed a Saviour. If she were the mother of God, as the Catholic church claims, she would not have needed a Saviour. She was a woman that God could trust to do His will.
“And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord, And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.” Luke 1:46-47

Mary was a godly vessel that God could use. Although no one will ever be used in the way she was, all can be used for God’s glory if we obey and allow Him to use us.

The Virtuous Woman
Bill Brinkworth

Throughout the Bible, there is much advice given from father to son. Proverbs 31, however, relays a mother’s counsel to her boy.

Most likely, King Lemuel was a godly leader, as his name means “belonging to God.” His mother advised the King on how to continue to be a strong leader (Proverbs 31:3-9).

The mother helped her son know the important values to consider when picking the right wife. She knew a wife could make or break a man’s and family’s success. In the rest of the chapter, she helps him with one of the most crucial decisions in his life.

The mother’s advice did not include picking a woman for her beauty and sex appeal. She suggested picking a woman who would be faithful to her husband, a hard worker, pure, moral, and industrious.

A good wife should be “virtuous.” Beauty will change (Proverbs 31:30), but good character and morality will last a lifetime and benefit many.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10

Virtuous: practitioner of duty, accomplished, and moral

According to this Proverb, a virtuous woman:

Can be relied upon and trusted (Proverbs 31:11).
Will do a husband good and make him a better man (Proverbs 31:12, 23).
Will be industrious, always helping and providing for her husband and family (Proverbs 31:13-15, 17, 27).
Will look to meet not only the family’s current needs but what will benefit them in the future (Proverbs 31:16, 21).
Is a hard worker (Proverbs 31:18-19, 24, 27).
Is kind, even to those outside her family (Proverbs 31:20, 26).
Provides for her own needs (Proverbs 31:22).
Is honorable and has a strong character (Proverbs 31:25).
Is wise (Proverbs 31:26).
Is respected and relied on by her family (Proverbs 31:28).
Is godly (Proverbs 31:30).

This type of woman was not uncommon in the past. Today, perhaps because of the changed values of women in the 1970s, they are not as prevalent.

Unfortunately, it has been drummed into many women’s minds that they can do better than being stay-at-home mothers and wives. Many have been brainwashed into believing being a housewife is beneath them and they should seek a career in which they are worthy and is more important.

Being a wife and mother is not a menial task. The incredible abilities and responsibilities given to women are the backbone of a family and nation. It is the mother who can mold young lives and strengthen families and, eventually, even society. She is the silent strength and selfless worker who may not get much limelight, but without her families and society stumble and crumble, as can be seen today.

Despite what the “unisex” movement tried to convince women to believe, men and women are different. Women have strengths and abilities that a man does not have. Vice versa, a man can do things a woman cannot. It does not imply that one sex is better than the other. Instead of changing their created purpose and trying to be what they are not, society would benefit if the sexes would again not be confused about their strengths and gifts and fulfill the purpose and unique abilities God has given them.

Since the confusion of the sexes proliferated, the divorce rate has skyrocketed. Many children now come from “broken” homes. Males and females are confused about who and what they are. An increasing number of couples are living together unmarried. Many children do not even know who their parents are. “Know-better-than-God” and making their own social guidelines have not worked! Humanity is suffering greatly.

Man and woman must return to living the way God wants them to and be the man or woman He desires them to be. Men and women, especially those who want to please God, should be virtuous, content, and proud of who they are and be the best they can be!

The Ephesians 5 Husband and Wife
Bill Brinkowrth

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it … 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: … 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. … 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Eph. 5:21-33

Ephesian 5 discusses a subject that bristles the hair on the back of many necks. It takes a position that has been hated and rebelled against for generations. Unfortunately, the refusal to follow God’s commandments in this area has resulted in a divorce rate of nearly 50%. In Ephesians 5:21-33, Paul discusses submissiveness between a married man and a woman.

According to Noah Webster, submitting is yielding or surrendering to an authority. The first surrendering to an authority discussed in those verses is for both husband and wife to concede to each other (vs. 21) because they respect God’s commandments!

They are to submit to each other because God tells them to, and they should know God’s way is always best. God ordained the union between man and woman, so He knows how it will work. No other way will be successful!

A wife is to submit to her husband (vs. 22). When she is humbling herself to do so, she is doing it “unto the Lord.” What a step of faith it takes for a wife to trust the Lord that way.

I am sure most women shudder at that point, thinking about all kinds of situations: “What happens if I submit to him, and my husband mistreats me?”; “What happens if I let him be the authority and decision-maker, and he makes wrong decisions?”; “What happens if I don’t get my say?” and countless other scenarios.

Those situations could happen if the husband does not hold up his commitments. That is why it is so vital that marriage is between believers (II Cor. 6:14). However, there are no retractions for bad decisions in marriage partners in God’s Word. No matter the spiritual status, one is still committed to holding up his part of the marriage, as the Lord commands.

There are many marriage failures because couples did not adhere to God’s way but rather try to cohabit the way “everyone else is doing it”. When a marriage fails, it is usually because someone is not holding up their end of God’s commandments.

Submission in a marriage is not just the wife’s responsibility. The husband also has a part in making a marriage work. His part is not just surrendering to his wife, but he is to love his wife as Christ loves His church (vs. 25) and as much as he loves his own body (vs. 28, 33). One should not want to do wrong to his body, so he must only want to do what is right and best for his wife.

Marriage is a picture of Christ (vss. 23, 25, 27, 32) submitting His body to die for man’s sins. Jesus submitted to His Father and allowed Himself to be payment for our iniquities. As we submit ourselves to Christ, we should also submit ourselves to each other. God’s way works!

“The husband should be the ‘houseband,’ binding all together like a cornerstone, but not crushing everything like a millstone.” — Spurgeon