In This Issue:
How to Ruin a Child
Cost of a Child
Training Children
Too Little Children
April 14, 2025
Theme: Service
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How to Ruin a Child
Bill Brinkworth
Parents, psychologists, and many people have all kinds of ideas about how to raise a child. Some of the advice may be good, but some is not sound.
Few seek advice from Someone who has raised billions and billions of children. His counsel, if heeded, will result in well-adjusted, wise, and successful children. This most experienced “parent” is God, whose advice has been recorded and is available to all in the King James Bible for English-speaking people.
This “expert” has never had to apologize for giving parental advice that resulted in ruining generations, as did the pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Spock when he realized his advice about not disciplining children caused tremendous problems. God’s advice is always right.
Still, many ignore God’s advice and “do it their way”. Unfortunately, many techniques, practices, and behaviors prevent a child from being what God intended. Here are some child-rearing practices that may ruin a child, according to God’s Word:
- Giving them everything they want reinforces covetousness. Also, a parent or authority in their life who is consumed with getting things is inadvertently teaching a child that possessions can somehow bring happiness in one’s life.
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” Ex 20:17
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” I John 2:15 - Never teach a child that “no” can mean they can still have certain things. This is accomplished when a child learns that a parent’s “no” can be changed to “yes” if he keeps asking for something. When they are told “no” by someone who will not back down, they will become angry and act improperly toward the person saying “no” to them.
“As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious [quarrelsome, given to angry debate] man to kindle strife.” Prov. 26:21 - By not correcting their child. An undisciplined child will be unruly in many situations, including school and public situations. The lack of training will be a constant challenge for the parents and teachers. It will make it harder for the child to get along with others, especially people in authority (teachers, police, bosses…).
“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” Proverb 29:17
“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” Proverb 19:18
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Prov. 29:15 - Never teach them how to live biblically. By not teaching them God’s way, they will quickly learn to follow the way everyone around them is going.
This can also be done by a parent’s “teaching” them by not living biblically themselves. A child will quickly realize, “Why should I live a way that my parents don’t? If it were a better way, they would live that way!” Hypocritical advice rarely teaches proper behavior.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:56
- Criticizing the authority over them in front of them! By letting the child know that you disagree with a decision another parent has made, a teacher has made, what a pastor has said, what a policeman has done, or a babysitter’s decision, you have shown the child that authority is in error and can be questioned. That kind of inadvertent parental reaction often reinforces rebellion. Usually, it stops an authority from ever positively impacting the child.
“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” Heb. 13:17 Also: I Timothy 5:17. - That biblical teaching is not important. This is often done verbally, but it is more often “taught” by a parent who always has excuses for not going to church, not praying, reading his Bible, not speaking to them about salvation, or doing anything spiritual. This makes it clear to an ever-learning child that spiritual things are unimportant. When a child does have problems in his life because of the damage done by a parental example, the child will not think to turn to the Lord for help and guidance.
“But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.” James 1:22 - That biblical teaching does not have to be obeyed. When a child hears a parent lie, hears of their cheating on income taxes, hears them blaspheme God, hears them lie about the child’s age to get a cheaper ticket rate at a sporting event, sees what they watch on television, or sees them live a life that is contrary to the way the Bible commands, that parent is “teaching” a child that God’s Word does not have to be obeyed! See: James 1:22.
- Allowing the child to be exposed to the world’s philosophy taught through the media, government education, video games, the internet, etc. A child is a “ball of clay” that can easily be molded. They will be molded by whom they associate with, what they are taught, and what they are exposed to.
“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” I John 2:16
Children are a wonderful part of one’s life but also a parent’s biggest responsibility. Although others may have some impact on their lives, ultimately, it is the parents who have been given the responsibility by God to raise them His way (Ephesians 6:4).
The world’s way is constantly changing because they have not found a way that is successful all the time, and it is not the world’s responsibility. God, however, has a way that always works for rearing children correctly. It is up to the parents to learn His way and train their children in His way if they want their children to be successful.
“Allowing a child to call a parent by his or her first name is not teaching him to honor his parent!”
“How much does that little girl cost!” said a mother as she and I passed a little child leaning against an iron railing.
“Cost?” I said. “You mean with her shoes and socks, plaid dress, and ribbons in her hair?”
“That is her least cost,” replied the mother, “nor was I thinking of them, but what pain and suffering she costs; what fatigue and watching; how much of a mother’s anxiety; how much of a father’s toil; how many prayers; how many fears; how many yearnings; how much patience; how much responsibility; how much instruction; how much correction; how much love; how much sorrow; how many teachers; how many sermons; how many Sunday school classes. Those things will cost her parents the most.”
When a lady once told Pastor Sharpe that she would not give her children religious instruction until they had attained the years of discretion, the preacher replied, “If you do not teach them, the devil will!” — J. Whitecross
Training Children
F. Quarles, 1871
Be very vigilant over thy child in the April of his understanding, lest the frost of May nips his blossoms. While he is a tender twig, straighten him whilst he is a new vessel. Season him. Let his first lesson be obedience; his second shall be what thou wilt. Give him education from good, clean books. Season his youth with the love of his Creator, and make the fear of his God the beginning of his knowledge. If he has an active spirit, rectify and curb it, but reckon idleness is among his chiefest faults. Show him the spade and the plow and prepare him for the danger of a skirmish and the honor of receiving a prize.
“Teach your child to hold his tongue; he’ll learn fast enough to speak!”— Benjamin Franklin
“Too Little” Children
Author Unknown
Said a precious little laddie,
To his father, one bright day,
“May I give myself to Jesus,
Let Him wash my sins away?”
“Oh, my son, but you’re too little,
Wait until you older grow,
Bigger folk, ‘tis true, do need Him,
But little folk are safe, you know.”
Said the father to his laddie
As a storm was coming on,
“Are the sheep safely sheltered,
Safe within the fold, my son?”
“All the big ones are, my father,
But the lambs, I let them go,
For I didn’t think it mattered,
Little ones are safe, you know.”
Oh, my brother! Oh, my sister!
Have you too, made that mistake?
Little hearts that now are yielding
May be hardened then — too late.
E’er the evil days come nigh them,
“Let the children come to me
And forbid them not,” said Jesus,
“For such shall my Kingdom be.”